


self control

by ninetiez



Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Frank Ocean - Freeform, Songfic, Toxic Masculinity, based on self control by frank ocean, reader can be a cis or trans female, reader is female, the child is adorable, the mandalorian - Freeform, this is hella angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-18 08:16:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21841093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninetiez/pseuds/ninetiez
Summary: “i’m not gonna hurt you,” he assured severely, continuing after a small, modulated sigh. “unless you give me a reason.”
Relationships: The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 95





	self control

**Author's Note:**

> yes i did spend time and effort on this and yes i did cry in the process of writing this

he was surrounded by a thick air of pompous silence. that’s just how mando was. though he would never know, you would never change him for anything. it was his faith, his virtue that kept his from revealing himself to you. and in that sense, he was a righteous man. but, in the same way, you hated him for it. you could never really hate him. you were young when you met mando, fresh out of your 18th birthday. 

he had come to your parents’ farm looking for a man. he had a big, shiny ship that looked like one of the many stars. he carried many guns, the still-warm metal burning in the sun. when you watched him leave after receiving the information he required, you immediately decided to run away. away from your predetermined future as a farmer girl, away from your parents, away from the backwater planet that had trapped you in its atmosphere. packing the blaster your parents had given you for hunting, extra clothes, and some provisions for the journey to the city, you took a speeder used for trading and sped off.

you said your goodbyes, the note stuck to the icebox with a magnet greeting your parents as they woke up. the moon was high in the sky, its placid face staring you down from the heavens. the ship he had taken was glowing in the pale moonlight, and you saw the man dragging a limp body easily on to the ship. you ran down to the entrance of the port. 

the mandalorian flinched when he saw you standing there, a small gun clasped tightly in your small hand. 

“what are you doing here?” he asked, sounding more like a threat than a question. 

“i know you probably don’t want me here, but i’m a pretty good mechanic and it seems like you need one.” you spoke softly, your feet shuffling in the sand. he walked toward you threateningly, making you step back slightly. 

“i’m not gonna hurt you,” he assured severely, continuing after a small, modulated sigh. “unless you give me a reason.”

he took the gun from you, walking back to the ship. 

“what are you doing?” he asked deeply, making you run to the ramp leading up to his ship. “just know that you’re lucky i’m even allowing you the privilege of living for following me here.”

“thank you.” you mumbled. 

staring out the window of the ship, the child cooed happily in your lap as you petted its head. mando sat in the pilot’s seat of the ship, flipping switches occasionally and staring out into the cosmos. 

“you’re quiet.” he noted.  
“yeah.” you responded, in contrast to your normal, talkative self. “just thinking.”

mando didn’t take the liberty of asking what you were contemplating. he was like that. some would call him a “strong, silent type.” others would call him an “antisocial, cruel pessimist.” you called him neither. to you, he was just mando, sometimes dyn (if he would allow.) he was just the man you loved for about a year, who you knew would never feel the same. he was in the same deep water as you, trapped in the underworld of the galaxy, a killer, a cruel man. mando looked at you through the glass in front of him, watching you stare out the window. the child was asleep in your lap, snoring softly. 

he wondered why you weren’t speaking. had he done something? he toyed with the deep scar in his beskar armor, running his fingers along the scratch. you, on the other hand, began to think about your parents. how were they? you wondered why you had ever left your comfortable life at the farm, living a normal life instead of running away with some rouge bounty hunter. a small tear stained the glass of the window, so you rubbed it off of your cheek. he could hear you, but his strong sense of pride prevented him from asking you why you were crying. it was almost a nauseant, that he couldn’t speak to you genuinely without his pride being hurt. mando watched you pick the child up and carry him to his room, placing him gently down in his bed. you walked to your quarters, flopping down on your bed and crying fully. no matter what you did, you couldn’t manage to make him notice you. you tried jokes, but he seemed to be an agelast. you tried emotional connection, but he was alexithymic. despite all of this, you heard door slide open and there he was. you looked up, glassy eyes finding his visor. 

“why are you crying?” he asked, his helmet turning to the ground. his books clanked as he sank down on your cot. 

“i wish i had stayed with my parents.” you cried softly, that hurt mando. his pride commanded him to stop feeling sorry for himself. 

“why?” he asked, swallowing thickly. 

“i don’t know, i just think it would be… better. i’m not cut out for this kind of life. you, obviously, don’t think very highly of me either.”

“i, uh, think that you’re a decent mechanic.” that was the most he could say. the most the masculine upbringing would allow him to express. 

“you know, mando, i wish we had grown up on the same advice. you can’t talk to anyone emotionally. like, at all.” you said, a harsh edge to your voice. he nodded, tapping his foot against the floor repeatedly. mando stood up suddenly, walking out of the room and back to the pilot’s seat. he sat down, coughing in a measly attempt to clear the lump in his throat. you watched the tiny sliver of light from the crack of your door thin into nothing as it closed, turning over and looking at a small picture of your parents. they looked so happy, holding the tight bundle of blankets that contained your small form. you had just been born, your parents here so glad. they had been trying for a while and finally got a child. they were so proud of you. it had been at least an hour when you walked back out to the room, picked up the child, who had been crying too. 

“rough day, huh, baby?” you asked softly, carrying him back to your room and turning on the light. you sat there for a while, playing with the child. taking a piece of string and dangling above its head, you watched it giggle and reach for it. mando, hearing the child coo, walked back to your room and watched you for a while. you noticed him, looking up at him. 

“yes?” you asked, smiling down at the small, green creature at your feet. his modulated voice cut through the silence. 

“i wanted to tell you something,” you motioned for him to continue, making him sigh. “you can go home if you wanted to. i can set the navigator back to your home planet, and you can see your parents again.”

“i don’t want to.” he inhaled sharply through his nose. mando’s surprise was evident. “i’m not gonna pretend that i don’t have feelings for you, and i’m not gonna pretend that i want to go back home. sure, i miss my parents, but there’s no way i’m leaving the entire galaxy to go back to some farm in the middle of nowhere.”

“are you sure?” he asked, smiling slightly under the helmet. 

“yes,” you smiled. and that was enough for him.


End file.
